she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
