like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
