Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
