So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
