Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
