im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
