I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
