i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
