Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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