everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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