Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
