it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
