I got chris browned last night
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
