you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
you never un-have a 4some
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
