we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
