Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
