I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
