so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
