this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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