Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
