I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Randomize
