I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
