Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
