He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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