Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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