mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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