either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
