I don't usually arrange sex via text message
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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