East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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