lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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