I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I had to cum in my sink.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
