i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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