He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Your penis caused this!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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