I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
