He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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