This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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