we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
