I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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