you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
