dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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