I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
