we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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