I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he was CRYING into my vagina
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
