I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
