nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
