Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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