God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
