haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
