Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
