and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
