i permit you to call me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i've created a new STD.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
